Wednesday, June 03, 2015

I don't watch these programs, but, that doesn't mean I can't comment.

USA Today has a timeline. 

March 2002: (click here) The 33-page police report reveals that Jim Bob Duggar tells police his son admits he fondled the breasts and genitals of several victims while they were sleeping in the family's home, and that similar incidents happened four to five times....

I don't need a timeline to comment on this upsetting reality. Tangential to this sexual abuse of a 5 year old girl by a brother 10 years her elder is very disturbing, however, what is more disturbing are the large number of children in the family. 

Nineteen are a lot of children and this is the year 2015 and not early 1900s where women and men had little option for birth control. Most women's rights activists and feminists identify repeated pregnancies as sexual abuse. Why? Because we know for a fact that when a woman has many children her wellness suffers along with her quality of life. 

While every American is going to look at this family and say how incredibly wonderful they love children; the choices they made are odd. There are not that many families in the USA with 19 children. Not even Roy Rogers and Dale Evens had 19 children. I do know for a fact there are women in Appalachia that have had 21 children, but, that was not the everyday house frau either. Even in Appalachia.

So, considering there were 19 children and the Mr. and Mrs. had their hands full I am not surprised sexual abuse between siblings occurred. 

The media seems to have a difficult time calling this what it is. I have heard words such as pedophile. That is not correct. Pedophilia (click here) is usually affiliated with stalking and other aberrant behavior such as watching films and collecting pictures, etc. This is different. This is a brother taking advantage of a sister that is in close proximity. It is not a love relationship exactly although feelings of that may exist and give permission to the brother, but, this is a familial circumstance.

What if we call it sibling sexual abuse? There is such a thing and it is about power, not sexuality 

...What are the effects of sibling sexual abuse? (click here)

Sibling sexual abuse is often very harmful for the following reasons:

Because the siblings live together, the victim may feel pressured and trapped by the abuser over a long period of time. This pressure usually includes bribes, sexual stimulation or physical force. For example, when you allow your oldest son to use physical punishment when baby-sitting, he may continue to use both physical abuse and threats to make sure his younger siblings keep the sexual abuse secret. This kind of pressure can break down the siblings’ self confidence.

The victim usually begins by trusting the abuser because they are siblings. When this trust is violated, the victim feels betrayed by that brother or sister, because someone they expect to love and care for them is hurting them. In addition, your younger children would naturally trust you to choose a safe, kind person to take care of them. When the person you choose abuses them, the victims feel betrayed again, this time by you. They may even believe that you think the abuse is all right....

This form of abuse is about opportunity and not persistent pursuit. What bothers me about this is the fact it happened and there is an incentive to ignore it. It is not unusual for parents to look the other way even if they know it may be a possibility. No parent necessarily wants to confront that reality and admit to it. So, from my perspective this is a family problem whereby the parents are in therapy with the son and daughter(s). 

There is a lot wrong here and a reality television show isn't a good idea for the mental health of the children. A reality television show tells the children they are exceptional and normal. They won't go against that image because it is the emotional place where everyone lives including the parents. I think this family is what is coined as dysfunctional for many reasons. But, there are many dysfunctional families in the USA and they may relate to this mess. 

Me? No, thank you.