Back in the day of the Neanderthal, lived a woman psychiatrist.

Hungarian-born psychiatrist Margaret Mahler (1897-1985) (click here) worked first in her native Hungary, and then in Britain, and finally in the United States.  She is best known for originating the Separation-Individuation theory of child development.  In her theory Mahler speculates that after the first few weeks of infancy, in which the infant is either sleeping or barely conscious, the infant progresses first from a phase (Normal-Symbiotic Phase) in which it perceives itself as one with its mother within the larger environment, to an extended phase (Separation-Individuation Phase) consisting of several stages or sub-phases in which the infant slowly comes to distinguish itself from its mother, and then, by degrees, discovers its own identity, will, and individuality....

The normal growth and development of children and adults has been the topic of many research papers. My favorite is "Separation - Individuation" in the parent - child relationship.

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Dr. Mahler uses words such as hatching and fledge. Those are terms found in birding. Hatching is when the young bird emerges from the parented incubated egg. Flege is when the young bird has developed strong wing muscles and a covering of feathers. They are romantic terms. Mother bird - baby bird. All a very romantic idea.

Hatching (5 to 9 months): The infant becomes aware of the differentiation between itself and its mother.  It becomes increasingly aware of its surroundings and interested in them, using its mother as a point of reference or orientation. 

Practicing  (9 to 16 months):  The infant can now get about on its own, first crawling and then walking freely.  The infant begins to explore actively and becomes more independent of its mother.  The infant still experiences itself as one with its mother.

Rapprochement (15 months and beyond): The young child once again becomes close to his mother, but begins to differentiate itself from his mother. The child realizes that his physical mobility demonstrates psychic separateness from his mother. The toddler may become tentative at this point, wanting his mother to be in sight so that, through eye contact and action, he can explore his world.

Mahler is very old world and rarely refers to father - child relationships. In her time women were not those of the 1960s. Referring to Dr. Mahler is not to entrench women in years gone by, but, simply to understand there are normal phases of growth both by the parent, be it mother, father or two fathers and the child. Application of any understanding is a matter of adaptation as a society grows and changes.

Mahler further divided Rapprochement into three sub-stage.

 Beginning: The young child is motivated by a desire to share discoveries with his mother.

 Crisis: The child is torn between staying connected with his mother and venturing out from his mother and becoming more independent and adventurous. 

Solution: The child resolves the above Crisis according to the dictates of his own newly forming individuality, to his fledgling use of language, and to his interaction with the temperament of his mother.