I am standing in the background. That is my Dad.

It is a bit unfair to list this without really giving everyone his history and an insight to his personality, but, he was a great guy.  Served in the Air Force to the rank of Sergeant, fought in Korea, worked at a plant for thirty years, retired in comfort, had a wife with a career for twenty of the 56 years they were married, raised three daughters, saw them all through college, had four grandsons, two great-grandchildren that he knew of at the time of his death on October 11, 2010.  A third great-grandchild was born after he passed.  This picture was on his eightieth on September 9th.

My father died of metastatic lung cancer that only non-smokers contract.  Oddly it was a slow growing cancer as stated by the oncologists, yet his initial diagnosis was a Grade 4, 'end stage' tumor.

I guess we all have to go sometime.

I am not happy about that and gradually the rest of the family is beginning to wonder as well.

The 'thing' about the Hospice issue was NOT about 'killing grandma' it is about 'maturing' the Right to Die laws. 

It goes like this.  The brave man that he was, he consented to give the family what we wanted.  We wanted him to stay with us as long as possible.  That is not frequently what occurs in cases like this and folks tend to decide to die without treatment.  As a matter of fact, a case extremely similar to my father's condition happened to a dear friend of mine, only he was age 78 and a smoker.  He was diagnosed for the first time with Grade 4 tumor.  Different type of tumor from my Father's tumor.

The Right To Die Laws are too harsh when they limit IV fluids.  My father would still be with us IF his 'Living Will' didn't limit the infusion (through an implanted port used for his chemo) of NORMAL SALINE during the time when he was not feeling well enough to eat and became dehydrated.  My Father died of dehydration and hypovolemia a week after his chemo was administered, NOT the cancer. 

The Oncologists hands were tied when the Hospice Nurse called the MD with my Father's blood pressure.  He was in pain, confused and my mother's words over the phone when the MD called to clarify the Living Will was "We want him to be comfortable."  Those words were pre-programmed by my Father to my 75 year old Mother.  With that the physician ordered comfort only measures and he died within 12 hours after that conversation.  When I learned of the conversation it was too late and almost futile because my Mother was only 'coping' and not thinking. 

While my father would have died 'in time', it wasn't expected to happen for at least a year.  The entire circumstances surrounding my Father's death is unfortunate and my Mother does not realize her role in it from me or anyone else for as long as she lives.

The Right to Die, Living Will or whatever you want to call it isn't LEGALLY MATURE yet.  When a patient wants NO EXTRAORDINARY measures that is important.  But, when they are submitting themselves for PALIATIVE treatment with radiation and chemotherapy, their Living Will needs to support that treatment modality without prolonging their lives on life support.  IV Normal Saline would have got him through a 'rough spot' when that is all he needed at the time.